I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
