smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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