so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
