whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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