I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
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