Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
