i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
