mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
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