Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
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