All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
