so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
