you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
