I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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