she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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