Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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