ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
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