Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
