Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
