i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Just high enough for therapy.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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