After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
