I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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