im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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