Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
