My liver just broke up with me...
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
