We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
