Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
