Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
