i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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