At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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