Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
