Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
