You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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