So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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