I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
