i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
