That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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