I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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