a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
