Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
