The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
