i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
