I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
