I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
