TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
