No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
