I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Terrible idea I love it
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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