I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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