I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
