Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
