I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
