508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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